Coping With Anxiety, Phobias And Self-Esteem. Priti Malik

by Alexandra Mansilla

Coping With Anxiety, Phobias And Self-Esteem. Interview With Priti Malik

17 Sept 2024

She wakes up at 3:45 am and heads to the Virgin Radio Dubai studio to co-host The Kris Fade Show with Kris Fade, a show most of you probably listen to. She’s always full of energy and emotion, listens attentively to people’s stories, and genuinely shares her own. She gets roasted by ChatGPT, tries viral watermelon and chamoy pickle sandwiches, and seems like a whirlwind, with her eyes always sparkling. But was it always this way?

Priti Malik, co-host of The Kris Fade Show (Virgin Radio Dubai), has faced a long journey battling anxiety, phobias, and self-image struggles. This is her story.

— Hello Priti! For those who are new to your content or haven’t seen your previous interviews, could you please share a little bit about your background?

— I was born and raised in Queens, New York City, and I have lived in the same neighbourhood my whole life. I have an older sister who is six years older. Growing up, we were just a happy, loving family. We lived close to relatives — my mom’s brother lived right behind our building, my mom’s sister and her family were a five-minute drive away, and on the other side, my dad’s brother. Both sets of grandparents lived nearby, too.

We were a very musical family. Every two weeks, we would have something called Kitty parties — a term used a lot in South Asian households. It is like a potluck where families rotate hosting, play games, and hang out. I think it was a way for immigrants to preserve their culture and bring people together.

Even though I was born and raised in New York, my first language was actually Hindi, not English. We learned English in school, but at home, we only spoke Hindi. My house was filled with Bollywood movies, music, and dancing. My grandparents on my mom’s side were trained musicians, and my mom’s sister even has a music and dance school in New York. So, growing up, we were always performing at family gatherings, singing, dancing — it was as happy as it gets.

We came from humble beginnings. We weren’t poor, but we definitely weren’t wealthy either. My parents still live in the same two-bedroom apartment where we grew up. My dad had some tough times — he started as a travel agent, then ran a grocery store with his brother, but that didn’t do too well. He worked two extra jobs to support us. Eventually, he became a flight attendant in the late ’90s and still flies to this day.

I have nothing but happy memories of my childhood. My sister and I were close, even though she was six years older. During high school and college, we even shared friends, which was really special.

— Random question time! I heard you were once afraid of dogs but found a way to cope with it. Could you share more about that?

— I'll take you back to my childhood because, as you said, everything starts there (and my therapist says the same). We would go to the park in the summer like every kid, and I remember always loving dogs. But I had some specific incidents in my building. I remember once opening an elevator door, and a dog jumped up and scared me.

When I was about 13, I was in Florida visiting a friend, and a loose pit bull started chasing us. We ran for our lives, and it lunged at my leg. It was so close to biting me — it felt like I could have lost my leg. That is when I became petrified of animals. Living in New York, you don't interact much with animals outside of dogs on leashes or indoor cats, but my fear grew when I moved to Dubai because there are so many stray cats here. Cats became my number one fear.

There were times when I would call the security guard to escort me from my car to the building because there were cats around. Even at 4 am, I would ask them to help me get from my car to the office. It was really bad. About 8 to 10 years ago, we were doing a bit on the radio where we wanted to talk about hypnotherapy, which wasn’t as well-known in Dubai back then. We thought the best way to demonstrate it was to show it, so we decided one of us would try it live on air. I volunteered because of my fear of cats.

Rita, the hypnotherapist, came in, and the session got really emotional. Hypnotherapy is an intense experience. She ended up taking me to another studio and said, "I can’t do this here; you need to come to my office." So I did, and I swear, after just one session with her, the next day, I was fine with dogs and starting to feel better around animals. My best friend had a little Shih Tzu, and before, I was terrified of him. But after the session, I walked in, and I was totally fine.

Over time, I got more comfortable. I couldn’t touch animals immediately, but I could be around them without panicking. Eventually, I grew more confident, and now, we even have a dog.

Instagram: @pritimalik

— Can you walk me through that session? What exactly did the therapist do during the process?

— You close your eyes and just follow your therapist’s voice. You are fully awake, but it feels like you are back in that situation. If that makes sense — let’s say something happened when you were 10. She walks you into that scenario, and even though your eyes are closed, you feel like you are 10 again, reliving it. That is kind of how hypnotherapy works.

The key is you have to be open to it — if you are not, it won’t work. Essentially, they ask you questions, and you still have to volunteer the information. For example, with my fear of cats, she asked me to go back to the first moment I felt afraid of them, but instead of a cat, I kept seeing a dog. So, we started talking about the dog, and that is how my fear of dogs began to fade.

The process is about trust — you have to be vulnerable, open to the experience, and okay with crying or showing emotion. It is really about following the therapist’s lead and being honest with yourself. I am a big supporter of hypnotherapy, and I highly recommend it, especially for fears that are holding you back.

— Would you say that you are generally an anxious person? Am I right?

— I jokingly say this, but it is true — my baseline is anxiety. I am never fully calm or at ease. It can quickly increase, and if it becomes too much, it leads to panic attacks, which I have had several of over the years. I am rarely without anxiety. My husband, Jeff, is the complete opposite — he is the calmest person ever.

I do think a lot of this comes from being a woman. I am not saying men don’t have anxiety, but I believe women often take on responsibilities without asking for help because we don’t want to appear as a "damsel in distress." We try to seem tough and capable of handling everything.

My anxiety doesn’t come from childhood. My parents never put pressure on me, which is rare for a South Asian household. They always told me it was okay if I couldn’t do something, and they never pushed me to be a doctor or engineer.

I think my anxiety really kicked in when I moved to Dubai at 22, which was a huge life change. Looking back, 22 feels like such a young age, even though I thought I was so grown-up then. Moving to a new country, far from my family, without really processing it brought a lot of uncertainty and fear. We were a close-knit family, and being away from them made me anxious. I would constantly worry about my dad's flights or if my family was okay, and as they got older, that anxiety grew.

At work, I am passionate about what I do, but I also feel pressure to deliver the best content possible. It is self-inflicted, but I always want to push myself to do more. During COVID and the lockdown, my anxiety worsened because of the uncertainty. Not being able to travel to see my family was terrifying. Home is a 14-hour flight away, and the thought of not being able to get there if I needed to was overwhelming. I had several panic attacks during that time, just from the sheer uncertainty of everything.

— When did you experience your first panic attack? Did you recognise it as such at the time?

— I think the first panic attack, because I am always hyper-aware of everything, came out of nowhere. I don’t know how others experience it — whether they feel like they re drowning or being suffocated — but for me, it felt like the world was spinning, and I couldn’t catch my breath. It comes on so fast, and by the time you realise something’s wrong, you are already too deep into it. I remember one of the first ones — Jeff found me gasping on the floor, and he had no idea what was going on since he had never witnessed a panic attack before.

Even at that moment, I somehow managed to instruct him on what to do, and we did some breathing exercises that helped pull me out of it. But anxiety is something so many people deal with, yet it is not talked about enough. It feels like once you mention anxiety, people immediately categorise you. Honestly, I think 90% of people experience anxiety at some point; everyone has their own threshold. For me, I have a high tolerance, but that just means I am anxious all the time, which isn’t great.

It is hard because the world now overwhelms us with so much information — thanks to social media, we are constantly bombarded with news and problems from all over. It is a lot to take in. People call the 90s the happiest time because we didn’t know what was going on outside our little bubble. Now, we are flooded with information from all angles, and it can be overwhelming.

Instagram: @pritimalik

— And I imagine with your large audience and a lot of subscribers, it could increase your anxiety as well. They must leave all kinds of comments, right? Does that affect you?

— I have been pretty blessed with a strong community of people, but of course, there have been several negative comments here and there. I have learned to just block them and not engage. I realise it is more about the troll's own issues, and I just happen to be the target of their anger — it is not really about me.

The funny thing is, when a video goes viral, that is when the trolls really show up. Once you hit 10, 15, or 20 million views, they come out of nowhere, and you just have to ignore the comment section.

— You once mentioned that you were very insecure about your body. Can you share more about that? Do you still feel the same way today?

— My insecurity came from a very superficial place — I just felt like I was ugly, like no one would want to look at me. It is strange because my whole life, I was confident on stage. Give me a microphone, and I’ll be ready, but ask me if I thought I was beautiful. Absolutely not. It is so contradictory that I chose a profession that is all about being in the spotlight while struggling with self-esteem about my appearance.

I have gotten better as I have aged, but there are moments when I still feel insecure, especially when working around models and actresses. It is hard not to feel a bit inferior.

In school, kids called me “pretty ugly,” which stuck with me. I always felt like the friend in the group, not the pretty one. Guys were always interested in my friends, not me, and that took a toll. Oddly enough, my personality didn’t match my feelings — I have always been outgoing, social, and loved performing, but that didn’t translate to how I felt about my looks.

I still have insecurities — my teeth, for example. But now, at 38, I am addressing that because it is something that’ll make me feel better. I am getting veneers because I know it is not a passing phase. I think confidence in appearance is an ongoing journey. I am much more comfortable in my skin now than when I was a teenager, but there is still room to grow. And that is okay.

— You felt insecure, yet now you work in radio, which is a very public space. How did it happen?

— The funny thing is, when I was about seven or eight, my best friend and I used to have this pretend radio show that we made on cassettes. We would get this Bollywood magazine called Filmfare from the Indian supermarket, and it came out monthly. We would sit down, pretend we were radio hosts, and do a top 10 countdown of Bollywood songs. My name on the show was “Pop Preeti,” and I would say, “It’s Pop Preeti and Boby Bob here to count down the top 10 Bollywood songs of the week!” That is probably where my love for radio was first planted.

Performing was always a part of my life, though. I did my first choreographed dance performance when I was just three years old, and I have been performing on stage ever since. I don’t even remember a time when I wasn’t performing. I was always the first one to volunteer if we had to give a speech in school, and I have had a deeper voice since I was young. Can you imagine a three-year-old with this deep voice?

I have always had a strong voice, and it was always perfect for things like hosting school assemblies. I love telling the story of how I realized what I wanted to do in life — it was in high school, around age 16, when you start thinking about college majors. My family was full of doctors, but that wasn’t for me. I thought about becoming a lawyer but realised all the years of schooling weren’t for me either.

Growing up in New York City, MTV was basically in my backyard. One day, after a half day at school, some friends and I went to the MTV Studios in Times Square. There was a show called Total Request Live that did music video countdowns, and we went to see it live. Hilarie Burton, one of the hosts, came down to do a segment with the crowd, and when I saw the camera guy count down, I was like, “This is it. This is what I want to do.”

I went home, looked up how the MTV News anchors got their jobs, and realised they had broadcast journalism degrees. I didn’t even know you could major in that! From that moment, there was no turning back — I knew I wanted to pursue broadcast journalism.

Years later, I posted the photo of me and Hilary from that day, and she reposted it! I thanked her because it was her presence that helped me decide on my path, and it was a really cool full-circle moment.

Instagram: @pritimalik

— Earlier in our conversation, you mentioned waking up around 4 am. Can you tell me more about your schedule?

— The only constant part of my schedule is the morning; after that, it is kind of a free-for-all. I used to wake up earlier, but now it is around 3:45 am or a little after, depending on how hard it is to get out of bed. I get ready for the day since the radio has changed and everything is filmed now, so that means makeup, hair, and making sure my outfit is on point. I prep my breakfast the night before to save time.

I aim to get to the studio by 5:00 or 5:15 am at the latest. I have to be the first one in — probably goes back to my anxiety — because I need to feel prepared. I check the systems, make sure the show is ready, edit whatever needs tweaking, and prep the news. My show runs from 6 to 10 am, and we usually stay in the office till around 10:30.

After that, I hit the gym at 11:30 every day, with no exceptions. From then on, it is a bit unpredictable. It could be anything — running home for hair and makeup while eating lunch because I have an event or filming to do, or it could be a completely free day. There is no consistency, which doesn’t help when you are getting up at 3:45. Some days, I am asleep by 8:30, and others, if I am hosting something, I am up until 11:30.

— Oh God, 4 am! Okay, now let’s talk a bit about your personal life. Jeff proposed to you live on the radio. I have heard his side of the story, but I would love to hear it from your perspective.

— So, he timed it well because it happened just before the first-ever RedFestDXB, the festival our station created. There was a lot of nervous energy, with the festival only five days away. Every day, we had something going on — interviews and promos — so when my boss said we had an interview, I was just stressed about picking an outfit.

Now, looking back, if anyone says, "You must have known," all I have to say is, "Look at what I was wearing!" If I knew I was getting proposed to, I wouldn’t have worn that awful outfit. I even sent Jeff a picture of it, and he said, “It’s perfect!” It was a crop tank top with a beige lace top, and I wasn’t even wearing shoes in the studio because we were only filming from the waist up. I mean, if Jeff knew, why didn’t he tell me to wear something nicer, like a dress?

Anyway, we got ready for the interview, and as soon as I heard “Hello,” I knew it was Jeff. At that point, I realised something was about to happen. He didn’t really feature on the radio at that time since we were just dating, so I didn’t expect him to walk through the door with all of our friends. And then, yeah, he proposed. Actually, I think Jeff regrets his proposal outfit, too!

— And you cried a lot!

— I did cry. It is weird because I didn’t think I would. By that point, we already knew we were going to get married — our families knew about us. But I didn’t know when. It was a shock because my mind was totally on work, the interview, everything. So, it caught me off guard, and it was really cool that he chose to do it there.

Instagram: @pritimalik

— You cover many topics on the radio, but is there something new or important that you feel should be addressed, something you haven’t yet spoken about but believe should be discussed?

— I don’t think there is anything like that. We are such a good match for the show, and we really talk about pretty much everything. Like, we push the boundaries — we talk about mental health, domestic violence, bullying, social media, and the fun stuff, too. The four of us have a really good pulse on what’s affecting people right now. We live the same lives as our listeners, so we adapt our show to what our audience is going through.

When the floods happened, we completely flipped our show and became the information centre, getting updates as fast as possible from Dubai Police, RTA, and whatever was needed. We are very open about our struggles, whether it is mental health or something else going on. We bring it to the table because we know many people are probably going through the same thing, feeling alone. I am pretty confident in saying we do a great job covering everything, from the silly to the serious. We do it all.

— Is there a story or an experience with a listener or guest that has really stuck with you, one you still think about from time to time?

— We had this amazing woman who was battling cancer. Her name was Amelia, and she was just such a beautiful soul. When she came to our studio, she lit up the room. You know when someone just radiates pure beauty? That was her. She shared her story, and despite what she was going through, she was so strong. Unfortunately, she passed away, and that one hurt — a lot.

We have also had incredible kids on our show who have accomplished so much at such young ages, like writing books at eight years old. I wasn’t thinking about writing books at that age!

But I think, overall, my favourite stories are when listeners choose to be vulnerable and share their lives with us. Recently, we had an anonymous caller who had been ghosted by a guy. It might seem trivial, but she was really devastated and cried on the phone with us. At that moment, I thought, "Wow, this stranger is sharing her innermost feelings with us," and I am sure someone listening who was going through a breakup felt less alone because of it.

These are the moments that really matter. We have had people call us moments after becoming parents to share their news, and it is amazing to think we are one of the first people they want to tell.

I remember another woman who called, crying, saying she was so lonely and had no friends. We threw her a party at the studio, invited strangers, and she made friends that day. That is what is so special about this — making those connections.

by Alexandra Mansilla

Coping With Anxiety, Phobias And Self-Esteem. Interview With Priti Malik

17 Sept 2024

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