Personal Experience: Mastering House Plants

by Sana Bun

Personal Experience: Mastering House Plants

19 Nov 2024

Photo: Annie Spratt

For years, I was convinced that house plants had it out for me. I would buy them, water them, give them front row seats by the window, and somehow, within weeks, they would droop, shrivel, and bid me a tragic, leafy farewell. It was as if they were allergic to me — or perhaps just protesting my lack of a green thumb. But after one too many plant casualties, I decided enough was enough. If my living room was ever going to resemble anything remotely “botanical”, it was time to get serious about plant care or at least figure out how to stop killing them.

The thing is, I knew absolutely nothing about house plants. Growing up, I remember our home being packed with greenery — practically a jungle. But I can’t recall my mum doing anything to them except the occasional splash of water. Yet somehow, they all lived and even flourished. So, naturally, when I adopted another green friend that clearly wasn’t vibing with me, I assumed the only requirement was water. Classic millennial move, right? Thinking a bit of hydration and good intentions would do the trick. Spoiler: it did not. So, I took the next step and… Started following house plant influencers on Instagram.

Did their content actually teach me anything? Well, maybe in theory, but I still had no clue how to apply these little nuggets of wisdom to the plants under my care. Everything changed when yet another rebellious flatmate met its leafy end. Determined to break the cycle, I decided to reach out to a plant expert I had been following. I messaged her with a plea: would she mind hopping on a call to have a look at my doomed greenery — for a fee, of course?

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This has to be one of my best investments so far. For starters, I learned that much of my trouble came from owning mostly maranta plants — apparently, they are the naughty children of the plant world, notoriously high-maintenance. Then came the revelation that you can’t just leave plants in the pots they come in. The soil they are packed in is lightweight and low on nutrients, designed more for cheap transportation than plant longevity, so replanting is a must.

Next, I discovered that every plant has its own ideal position and distance from the sun — no one-size-fits-all approach there. And finally, the most jaw-dropping news: a strict watering schedule is a myth. Turns out, you need to gauge the moisture level each plant prefers and keep it consistently hydrated. How often, you ask? Well, that depends on so many variables, which means, yes, you are pretty much on constant check-up duty with these green divas.

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My first move was relocation. I shuffled the gang around, grouping them by their sun needs, and adjusted their watering routines according to the expert’s advice. Then came the big one: replanting. Turns out, there is a whole science to it. You can’t just stroll into a garden centre, grab any old soil mix, and hope for the best. Each plant needs its own custom blend with specific additives to keep it happy and well-fed.

Take my naughty marantas, for example: their mix was a precise cocktail of 70% universal soil with 30% extras like perlite, vermiculite, pine bark, and wood charcoal. Cacti and succulents, on the other hand, need a much drier setup — 50% soil mixed with 50% stones or minerals.

Now, you would think they all lived happily ever after, right? Not quite! Did you know plants can actually get a bit down after replanting? Apparently, they need a special anti-stress vitaliser to, well, drown their sorrows. And let us not forget the risk of post-replanting illnesses — fungicide can be a lifesaver there.

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In those first few weeks, I saw some real progress: my leafy friends looked well-fed, hydrated, and bouncy. But over time, a few started to look a bit sad again. Thankfully, I had crisis instructions and long-term life hacks on hand. Before I knew it, my plants were sprouting new leaves and growing in ways I never thought possible.

Six months in, I would call it a mostly successful operation — though it is not exactly a fairytale ending. Some plants didn’t make it, while others are definitely in better shape, though far from flawless. Every now and then, a few look a bit under the weather, only to perk up and then droop again. At the moment, I would rate the situation as “stable”. I mean, are we always at our best? I don’t expect perfection from my plants either — especially considering that not long ago, they barely lasted a couple of months.

by Sana Bun