Loving Grey Hair. Interview With Caroline Labouchere

by Alexandra Mansilla

Loving Grey Hair. Interview With Caroline Labouchere

5 Feb 2024

Caroline Labouchere has lived a full life, from growing up in a castle to being an army wife, raising two children, and relocating 21 times. At 54, she ventured into a new career — modelling — and proved it is never too late to start something new. According to Caroline, success knocks on your door when least expected, and grey hair is the newest fashion.

— Your story, in brief, for those who may not know much about you, wasn’t to become a model; that happened accidentally. Your daughter Mimi, who worked at Rosemary Water, once suggested you for a photo shoot, and that is where everything began. I can see those photos from that first shoot as we talk via Zoom. Can you recall your feelings back then? There is also a photo of you naked — I assume you had never been photographed nude before.

— I was initially invited to London to cast for a job, so I wasn’t holding out much hope. However, I was still excited and, for some reason, believed I could do it. Upon arriving at the airport, I was greeted and taken to a lovely hotel. The next day, I was chauffeured to the studio. I was the only one there, which made me feel like a queen!

Everyone was fussing over me, and there was no question of whether I could. I had a fantastic makeup artist, hairdresser, and stylist. The photographer and videographer were very positive and encouraged me. It was a great experience with good people around me and very favourable circumstances. Then, they politely asked me what I thought about trying a nude shot. I was confident in my body, so I said, “Why not?”

Instagram: @carolinelabouchere

— What was your surname in your childhood before you became Labouchere?

— Lawson Johnston. My father was a lord; he was Lord Luke.

— Have you ever lived in a castle?

— Yeah, we lived in a castle. Actually, it was a house with massive gates on top of a hill where a castle once stood. My mother was married to a musician way back. I don’t know much about that part of my life because I blocked it from childhood. He left my mother when I was a baby and married the person that he left her for and went off and had six children with her. Obviously, he didn’t want me. I have such big traumas in my head about that.

My mother got married again when I was six; this time, she married the eldest son of a lord, who was honourable. We lived in a seven-bedroom manor house that spanned over 2000 acres. I had a pony, and the property had woods; it was a glorious life for a child. But it was very lonely, even though I had brothers and sisters. They were all at boarding school, and I was at day school. I used to go off alone for gymkhanas and hunting on the weekends, and sometimes, I would even get bucked off my pony and must walk home by myself. Despite this, I still had fun and even built jumps in the woods with my friends, who also had ponies.

— It seems to be a luxurious life despite the feeling of loneliness.

— We didn’t have money. We had property and land but no money. The family originally owned a company called Bovril, but they spent all their money and then sold the company. So, there was no money. On weekends, we collected corn left behind by combine harvesters to feed our chickens. We also bought broken biscuits from the biscuit factory.

There was no luxury. No beautiful dinner parties with and getting dressed up. My mother did not own a Chanel bag or wear makeup or nail polish. In fact, she spent most of her time gardening. We grew our fruits and vegetables.

— Your husband has French roots, doesn’t he?

— Yes, he is Huguenot French. His family had to leave France.

David is a tall, tanned man with very long arms. His parents are not like that at all. They are also tall, but they don’t have other features. David has quite big lips; that is why we were sure that he had some Moroccan blood or something going back. We did a DNA test. Funny enough, he is apparently more English than I am.

— Wow! I read various interviews and articles with you. You said that you were brought up not to look in mirrors. What does that mean?

— My parents were very strict and had many of those old-fashioned rules. We had to always sit up straight. Luckily, I was into horse riding, so I was used to sitting up straight. We weren’t allowed to leave the table until we finished our meal.

Not looking in the mirror was just one of those things. It is vanity. You are not allowed to be vain. You are not allowed to believe you are beautiful or talk about yourself. You are not allowed to talk until you are spoken to.

Photo: Caroline's personal archive

— Did you raise your children in the same way?

— You know, I don’t think there is anything wrong with the way that I was raised. I was smacked, and I did hit my children. When my daughter misbehaved, I told her, “If you continue to do this, I will smack your bottom. I will count to three, and at the end of three, I had to do what I said I would.” So, I was teaching my children that there are consequences to their actions. I never beat my children for no reason, but sometimes, I needed to stop them from doing something. My daughter was one of those children who, if she were standing by a road and you told her not to cross the road, she would put her foot on the road. My son, on the other hand, would not go near the road. So, Mimi used to push the boundaries and kind of still does.

Instagram: @carolinelabouchere

— Who is your daughter familiar with, and who is your son familiar with?

— That is tricky because I see much of David’s side in Mimi, but we think alike and can finish each other’s sentences. Moreover, both our husbands are Aries, and they are the same. They, too, finish each other’s sentences and think alike. It is funny how alike we are but also so different. We can’t really spend too much time with each other.

Sometimes, when we shop together, we try on clothes separately and send pictures to ask for each other’s opinions. There are always going to be niggles in every relationship, and it is all about learning, no?

We can talk about anything, which is great. Everybody needs a daughter, even if they can be awkward and challenging because they are a part of you.

— You mentioned that you had a pretty funky early adult life. Tell us more.

— I probably don’t want to go into too much detail, but I spent a year in Perth, Australia, working in a bar, which was mucky, to be honest. I had a perm and put on a little bit of weight. But... You shouldn’t regret anything you have done if you haven’t hurt people. It is all part of a learning process. Living is learning, so I did some silly things, but I don’t regret any of them.

Then, I had a year in Palm Beach, Florida. I won a bikini contest that was also mucky, and I found it funny. It was an incredible year.

— When did you start to draw? I saw the amazing drawings. Did you study illustration or art?

— I did not. I never drew or painted, even though I always loved art. I was artistic, I would say. My mother painted a bit; I think even my grandmother may have painted a little, too.

One day, about 18 years ago, I wanted to get our dogs, Hungarian Vizslas, painted, but it was too expensive. We were in the army, paying for school fees, so we didn’t have a lot of cash. I decided to do it myself, went to an art school and started pencilling. Those dogs I drew looked like a Weimaraner because Weimaraner’s look the same, but they are grey. So, I had to do the colouring. Although I never liked working with colours at school, I started working with pastels and fell in love with them. So, I attended evening classes a few times, and the rest was self-taught.

Instagram: @carolinelabouchere

— Let’s talk about you and David. You first met at a dinner party and got engaged three months later.

— Yes, we met at a house party and had lunch the next day. I thought he looked like an idiot because he was wearing a cravat. Who wears a cravat? Seriously. But he was an army officer and thought he was doing the old-school thing. When the cravat finally came off, he looked normal.

I was engaged then, and he was also in a relationship. I told my boyfriend I had met the guy I would marry. Two weeks later, David and I went to the south of France together. We both left our partners, and we talked about baby names. So that was it.

— Love at first sight?

— Well, not first, but second sight.

— So, you became an army wife.

— David was in the cavalry; in my mind, cavalry meant horses. It turns out they use tanks, not horses.

Instagram: @carolinelabouchere

— What is going on in this photo?

— I organised an exercise for women. We went out with our guns and combat outfits and did what the men would do. We slept in sleeping bags out in the open in Germany. We had camouflage cream on to blend in with the surroundings. We were told to keep our boots on while sleeping and to keep our guns inside the sleeping bags to prevent theft. Although in the army back then, there was a lot of joking, leaving your weapon out and having it stolen was a serious matter. We crawled on the ground to simulate combat. It was fun, and I organised many similar events when I was the Colonel’s wife. We even went pole dancing.

— I suppose you were ready for such conditions because of your childhood, weren’t you?

— Oh yes. When I first arrived, the then-colonel’s wife came to the house while I was making myself an evening dress for one of the functions. She commented that I couldn’t have slit up one side of the dress, which didn’t make sense. I thought it was a silly rule, and I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t have a slit up that side. I had to have a slit up the other side. There were other little things like this that I fought against during my time there.

— You travelled a lot. You have moved 21 times and rented 18 homes in different countries. What was the hardest thing for you during the move?

— There are a couple of things, and the first that comes to mind is making a female friend and then losing that friend. That was one of the most challenging experiences. I remember crying and saying to David, “You just don’t understand. I have met this person, been hanging out with her every day, and I really like her, and now I only have you.” Going through that ultimately made him my best friend, which is a good thing, but still, it is not quite the same as having a girlfriend. There’s something extraordinary about having a female friend.

The other thing that was a nightmare was packing. No matter how organised you are, even if you pay the highest amount for professional packers to come in and label all the boxes, it still doesn’t work. You are never ready enough. It is just a horrible experience.

— Which country was the most difficult for your adaptation?

— I thought India would be because Max was six months old, and he was IVF. If something happened to him, would we ever be able to have another child? I was petrified and suggested that we should visit instead of moving there. However, it turned out to be the best year ever. Our child crawled and would go onto the middle of a cricket pitch where all the kids were playing. They would all stop and start rolling the ball to him. It was a fabulous year.

— So, how many languages do your children speak?

— When we went to Germany, they attended a German kindergarten. However, despite this, my German is better than theirs. I quite loved Germany. We have been there a few times since. And I found the Germans to be incredibly kind and helpful.

— What about their adaptation to different cities? I mean, the older a child is, the more difficult it is to adapt.

— They went to boarding school when they were eight because it became more challenging for them to make friends as they got older. I wasn’t too worried about it when they were younger because home was wherever we were, and we moved around often. They just adapted to their new surroundings. Our dogs came with us, we had the same furniture, and they just got on with things. I am not saying they were always happy, but they coped. Mimi would go out and look for children Max’s age because he wouldn’t. He preferred to stay at home. When Mimi found someone, she would tell Max to meet the other child. She was always the organiser. They were fine, and their experiences made them resilient and adaptable adults. Going to boarding school was tough, but it was the right decision.

— Moving from one country to another can significantly challenge a marriage. It can either bring the couple closer or cause a rift between them. How has this experience been in your own family?

— Every relationship has its ups and downs, and the grass is not always greener on the other side. It has been worth working at and sticking with. There have been times when I have looked at him and thought, “I don’t know if I like you anymore.” I mean, thoughts like that are bound to go through your head. I am sure he has had similar thoughts about me, but I love him. Our relationship is stronger, probably strengthened by our experiences and resilience, especially from all the moving.

— You mentioned a challenging situation when your husband lost his job, and you slept on a mattress on the floor. Can you remember when that happened?

— It was in Dubai about seven or eight years ago. David got a new contract on Tuesday, but it was cancelled on Thursday. It was that quick, like everything else over here. At the time, we had rented a flat in Sports City; our dogs slept on the sides of the suitcase, and Mimi on a sun lounger. The AC didn’t work. Of course, I was fortunate we had somewhere to sleep. Before that, we lived in Arabian Ranches. We had a swimming pool and all the modern conveniences. So, it felt like, “What is going on in my life?” And my immediate reaction was to blame David. Of course, it wasn’t his fault, but I blamed him because I had married him thinking he was looking after me; that was his job. You have got to blame someone, haven’t you?

Then David went off to Hawaii during that period. I was really angry that he had gone and left me sleeping on the floor. I called my mom, and I was sobbing; I could hardly speak. I didn’t want to tell her what was happening — that we had to pay for the land in Canada, that we had no money left, that I was not okay. I said, “I think I must leave him and come home.” I just wanted to go home with my tail between my legs.

— How did you figure it out? Did you talk?

— No, we didn’t talk. I was furious and didn’t know what to do. One day, I opened my Facebook and wrote to my tarot card reader. She said, “You need to take control. It is up to you. He can’t, you have to.” So, I did. Not immediately. It took some thinking, but eventually, I did it.

— You came to the UAE with grey hair, and everyone told you to change your colour. Who?

— Every female friend that I made, and there were no grey women here back then that I knew of. Everybody dyed their hair. And I wanted to blend in. So, I blended for a while but then realised that going grey was normal for me. My mother also went grey in her 20s. I don’t see anything wrong with it. People now ask me why I got a facelift and still have grey hair, but for me, there is no connection between the two.

— Do you believe women like you are now thriving in changing the stereotype that grey is about age?

— It has changed, and I hope it will continue to change. Grey hair is now more acceptable than before. Young people going grey has helped change the perception that grey hair is only for the old. However, I recently got into an elevator, and a child asked their mother, “Mummy, is she a witch?” When I have the opportunity to speak on a panel, I try to remind people that being 50 is not old. We need to teach our children to change this perception. My grandmother was old when she passed away at 97, but at 59, I am not old. It is up to us as women to teach our children.

— Can you let us in on some projects that you have this year?

— I have an exciting project coming up. That is my new website. I plan to have monthly group chats with people. I get more than 50 DMs every day, and I answer all of them. But they are generally asking the same questions. So, I thought it would be better to have a monthly group chat where we can all communicate together. There will be a subscription, and it is already on my Linktree. I am thrilled about this opportunity to speak with people face-to-face, listen to their thoughts and help each other get through.

I remember perceiving my mom as old when she was in her 50s, and I have noticed that many women still tend to act old when they reach their 50s. The aim is to take the bull by the horns and be excited about being in your 50s.

What else? More travel, more job opportunities. I am very excited. I am very hungry. Hungry for life and hungry for action. I have done my new affirmation sheet on the wall next to my toothbrush; I read it every morning and night. So that is gone up there. It is going to be a great year.

— Any dreams?

— Once, I had a shop in Cambridge where I designed clothes. And I would love to have a core collection one day. That is not happening yet; that is just a dream.

— On your YouTube video and Instagram, you create inspiring content. Have you always had this attitude towards life?

— I have always enjoyed helping others and talking to people. I am peaceful and like being tactile since no one in my family is particularly tactile. I feel energised when like-minded people surround me. If I can encourage others to be happier, they will encourage the people around them to be happier, creating a chain reaction of positivity.

Now, I am much more confident than I have ever been. Most people would say that I am completely different than I used to be. I wasn’t allowed to be myself before, so I always felt restricted. Makeup, heels, and designer things were all forbidden. My mom always wanted a Chanel bag, but she never had one, and I thought it was wrong to desire such things. But now, I am allowing myself to enjoy these things, which feels great.

My current passion is to help people feel excited about living, not wait for life to happen, and to take charge of their lives by setting goals for themselves.

— You mentioned that you always lived in the shadow of your husband. However, as he declared in your first YouTube video, “She is the boss now.” You are in the spotlight. How do you feel?

— It was my job to be behind him. But now he is still right most of the time, which is very annoying. So, I do listen to him. Even when I initially think he is wrong, I must check it out and find out he is right. He is very wise. And he is my plus one, which I love, and he loves saying it. David is happy because the busier I am, the happier I am it feeds back to him. Now, he can go off cycling for four hours, running for three hours, and swimming for three hours. I am not at home saying, “When are you coming home?” Instead, when he does come home, I say, “Right, it is my time now to be with you.”

We are both moving in the same direction and want the same things. Whenever I write a blog, I show it to David, and he tweaks it because his writing skills are excellent. I write the way I speak, and it often needs editing. So, he is my tweaker.

— You have been running all your life. You have even run 100 kilometres at one time. How was it?

— Yes, I ran all my life. Jogged, really. When I lived in Florida, I used to jog. I also did the Jane Fonda thing with the leg warmers and the high-leg leotards. I am not running at the moment, although I keep talking.

The most challenging distance I ever did was 100 kilometres with David. We finished at 2 am after starting at 7 am. It was dark, so we told each other stories and imagined where we were. We talked ourselves through the experience and held each other’s hands. It was cold, and we were walking through ruts where tractors had been. Our son Max started with us but left at one point because his knee hurt. It was hard to leave him there; it felt like a mummy lion leaving her cub in a village in the middle of nowhere, not knowing if he would be picked up.

Instagram: @carolinelabouchere

— And how did you feel right after finishing?

— I needed the silver blanket. I felt cold and hungry and needed to sleep right now. Those were my thoughts. Then, at 2 am. Max and one of his girlfriends came to pick us up, although they didn’t know where we were or when we would finish as there was no mobile network. They had brought a blanket for David and me, which was sweet. I got into the back of the car and fell asleep.

The next day, I woke up and wanted to go to Starbucks. However, I couldn’t climb the two steps at Starbucks; I had to ask someone to help me. It was pretty funny. It was a good feeling, and I was proud we completed the journey.

by Alexandra Mansilla