I was 15, maybe 16, away from home, on my way to a P.E class (physical education) when I had my first panic attack and I remember it very clearly, a bit too clearly for my liking. 

At that moment in time, I wasn’t doing anything stressful, I was on my way to two hours of doing something I quite enjoyed when suddenly, I felt as if I couldn’t breathe. The feeling is hard to describe but I’ll give it a go. I couldn’t breathe and my heart rate had drastically picked up in pace. Suddenly, it felt as if every problem I ever encountered or thought I might encounter was spinning violently around in my mind kicking up a storm. The storm grew and became too big for my head eventually pouring out and all my problems seemed unsolvable. I felt as if I’d never feel relaxed again. And I feared I would lose my way navigating back to ‘normal’ as I had strayed far from it. I felt that this feeling of scaredness, overwhelm, and panic was it for the rest of my life. 

Regardless of how scary the situation was, I was also very lucky. I was lucky in the sense that I had a few friends around me who knew exactly what was happening as they had gone through the same. They guided me to a quiet corner and repeatedly said “You’re going to be okay” “It’s going to be okay” as I fearfully asked, between quickened breaths, “What’s going on?” “I don’t know what’s happening” and repeatedly saying “I’m so sorry this is so odd” to try downplay my fear. My friends calmly explained that I was having a panic attack and that it was okay, it had happened to them too. In a split second, I transformed from feeling like I was drowning to finally being able to break my head above the surface. I was still struggling against the tide, but I was able to get a quick breath in, before going back under again. 

Now, I had to learn to get through high school with a whole new obstacle. Thankfully my family were very supportive and helped me get the tools required to learn how to cope with anxiety. Please note this is the shortened version of the story, the road was arduous, complex, and terrifying. As someone who was always so put together, I initially felt as if the strings I had tightly woven into being me were unravelling at an alarming rate and I wasn’t sure how to gather them all up again. I felt vulnerable, and I am ashamed to say this, but I also felt weak. However, I was neither. I was experiencing what countless individuals have experienced but, because there was so much shame associated with the word "mental health" a part of me felt like I needed to hide it.

What helped was knowing it wasn’t just happening to me, whenever I felt low and uncertain about how to take the next step forward, I tried to remember I was not the only one experiencing this. But that wasn’t always easy. People around me sensed I was growing into a shell because it was difficult, at first, to be open about what I was going through. However, noticing a new member of this terrifying club, many started to share their stories about when they first realised, they too, struggled with anxiety. Adults who I looked up to as having everything together spoke about how anxiety impacted them, friends who went through it shared all their fears about learning to deal with anxiety and whilst a sense of relief washed over me, there was more worry.

Not worry in the sense of what am I going to do but worry as to why this is not spoken about enough. In schools why are we not taught how to cope with stress and anxiety? At university even though there are "resources" why do we still not always feel comfortable utilising them? Why did I sometimes feel so alone for experiencing something, according to a Forbes Health article, roughly “301 million” other people experience as well. It was then I knew I wasn’t going to let myself feel shame or weakness for something that is clearly human. I made a pact with myself to do what I can to ensure others don’t feel the way I initially did and to create a community to openly talk about how life can just...well life at times. So, A Blog For Days was created where we are on a mission to create a digital sanctuary welcoming everyone to let you know you are not alone.

Here are a few tools that I found very useful when learning to cope with anxiety, many of them I still use today as well!

Calm App — Calm’s Sleep Section was my best friend for a period. From their sleep stories, to sleep meditations and sleep music they were all useful distractions, giving my brain something else to focus on when it was time to unwind.

Headspace App — Headspace’s meditations have various lengths, and levels if you are starting to meditate for the first time, making it the perfect place to start and work your way through the app. Additionally, if you start to feel anxious but you are not at home you can just play a short meditation through your earphones to help! 

Walks — With so much anxious energy constantly coursing through me going on walks, especially outdoors, really provided me with a sense of calm. I would visualise the anxiety being left behind me with every step and eventually when I would end up back home, I felt much more relaxed. 

Breathwork — Learning various breathing techniques has been incredibly useful in helping control/prevent a panic attack. I was taught the 4–7–8 method (breathe in for four seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds and breathe out for eight seconds). This helped my heart rate regulate resulting in my breathing to normalise during anxious moments but, there’s a plethora more techniques to explore and find which works for you. 

Gratitude – Focusing on what I was grateful for every day, even when it was not a great day, helped me realise how much positivity I had in my life. As a result, when I would start to feel overwhelmed instead of unpicking all the threads of my problem my mind had reprogrammed itself to say, “but it’s okay because…” Due to the impact of practising gratitude, I created a journal for my wellness platform to encourage others to incorporate it into daily life. It’s not a journal where you get overwhelmed with how many prompts there are to fill out. It’s more of a gentle nudge to start and end your day on a positive note. Whatever chaos happens in between can be momentarily forgotten because there is still a lot to be grateful for. You can view it by clicking here!