I don't know about you, but as I approached 30, my attitude towards work changed completely compared with what it was five years ago. No more dramatic devotion to steep career ladders. No more working on Sundays, calls after 6 pm, or breakdowns in the office restroom.

Yet I still don't believe that work can be 100% pleasant and desirable — because sleep and the Maldives still exist, obviously. But I do want to make it as nice as possible. And if I can't do much about deadlines, reports, decks, edits, clients, and the general necessity of having to do things, I can at least choose the team and, of course, my work friends.

It is a true blessing to work with people you genuinely like outside the weekly calls. The ones you share memes with on Instagram. The ones who send you pictures of their pets and children. The ones you are happy to meet after hours. And, most importantly, the ones you can whine and cry with while complaining about everything you dislike about your job.

Because, in the end, one good work friend can do more for your nervous system than half the wellness initiatives your company keeps emailing you about.

Quite basic things, actually. People need people. And 40 hours a week is a very long time to spend in a place where nobody understands your pain when the client asks to guess their wishes for the fourth time (they don't know what they want themselves).

Science, rather rudely, confirms that emotional connection at work isn't a bonus. It is part of what keeps people functioning

Research on workplace friendship shows that close relationships at work provide social and emotional support, reduce isolation, and are linked to stronger engagement, satisfaction, collaboration, and performance. Gallup has also found that having a “best friend at work” is strongly connected to how engaged people feel, how likely they are to stay, and how well they work with others. Which is slightly annoying news for anyone who wanted to pretend they were above all this and only here for the salary.

A 2022 study on workplace gossip and employee mental health found that gossip isn't just pointless office noise. It can function as a form of social interaction, information exchange, and meaning-making. In other words, when you discuss what is going on with another colleague, you aren't always being malicious. Sometimes you are simply trying to understand the world around you before it destroys you.

The same study showed that positive workplace gossip — talking about a colleague’s achievements, praise, or success — was associated with better mental health. It was also linked to higher “psychological capital”, which includes confidence, hope, optimism, and resilience. So yes, hearing that someone handled a crisis brilliantly or got well-deserved praise can actually lift the mood and make work feel more survivable.

Negative workplace gossip, however, did the opposite. It was associated with worse mental health and lower psychological resources. Too much of that kind of chat can increase stress, make people anxious, and create the sort of atmosphere where everyone smiles politely while privately assuming they are next.

So gossip itself isn't exactly the enemy. The distinction matters. A bit of positive, work-related gossip can help people bond, exchange information, and even feel inspired. Endless negative gossip, on the other hand, can poison the atmosphere faster than an “urgent” message marked sent at 18:01.

The ideal situation, then, isn't a workplace with no gossip at all. That would be unnatural and frankly suspicious. The ideal is having one trusted person with whom you can process things, laugh, complain, and occasionally exchange a meaningful look across the meeting room when someone says “Let's take this offline”.

Which is to say: your work best friend isn't just fun. They are infrastructure.

1. Go for horizontal connections

First of all, I recommend looking sideways, not upwards.

Yes, it is lovely when you and your manager get on. It is charming. It is mature. It is probably very good for your calendar invites. But when things get stressful, you need someone with whom you can complain freely, question decisions, and occasionally say, “This makes absolutely no sense”, without worrying that it will somehow reappear in your next review cycle.

A peer-level colleague is usually the safest and most satisfying option. They are close enough to understand the chaos, but not powerful enough to make your honesty professionally dangerous

In friendship, as in politics, balance of power matters.

2. Make sure your work actually clicks

You can't build a truly soothing workplace bond with someone whose edits make you furious.

This is important.

If your responsibilities overlap, that overlap should feel good, or at least not actively corrosive. You need someone whose way of thinking makes your life easier, not someone whose comments in the document make you question your entire career and possibly literacy.

A work buddy should feel like an ally.

3. Gossip, but keep it civilised

As we already discovered, gossiping is, to a degree, good for you. It helps people bond, release pressure, and make sense of what is going on around them. It can be social glue. It can even be mentally helpful. But there is, unfortunately, a line.

Once gossip slips into cruelty, bullying, or treating someone as a full-time group project, the charm is gone.

My suggestion is to keep it mostly within the professional realm. You can discuss the fact that Sarah from HR isn't especially brilliant at replying to emails or that someone’s feedback style should qualify as an extreme sport. That is work-related. That affects everyone. That is arguably a public service.

Other people’s private lives, however, should stay off limits. You probably already have a non-work friend for that level of detail.

4. Don't overshare

The magic of a work buddy lies in balance.

You are more than colleagues, but less than actual best friends. This is a delicate, beautiful category of relationship in which you can be emotionally honest, but not irresponsibly so. You trust each other. You support each other. You can exchange one glance during a horrible meeting and communicate an entire essay.

But you still need boundaries.

You need to maintain the workflow, keep a sense of safety, and avoid turning every coffee break into an unauthorised therapy session. A little mystery is healthy. Not every workplace confidante needs your entire biography by Thursday.

5. If you are new, take your time

If you are new to a team, don't rush into an alliance just because the first person smiled at you near the coffee machine.

Observe.

Learn people first. Find out who is kind, who is bitter, who is funny, who is secretly reporting everything back to management, and who speaks entirely in the dead language of corporate optimism.

If you love after-hours Jenga and are genuinely excited about the next office party, you probably don't need to bond with the person who rolls their eyes at every team activity and behaves as if fun is a personal attack.

And if that grumpy person is your type, that is also fine. Some of my favourite people are deeply unimpressed by everything.

The point is to choose someone whose way of surviving work matches yours.

A work best friend won't remove deadlines, fix your manager, or stop clients from sending “one tiny final comment” when the project was already final three versions ago.

But they will make work feel lighter.

They will be the one who messages you after a terrible call. The one who understands your tone when you say “Interesting”. The one who sends you memes, context, snacks, screenshots, and just enough validation to prevent you from quitting dramatically at 15:47 on a Tuesday.

They will remind you that work may never be delightful — again, sleep and the Maldives still exist — but it can at least be bearable. And sometimes, with the right person sitting two desks away or one Slack message away, it can even be fun.