My dad used to tell me one thing: if you want to be a happy person, just choose to be one.

For a long time, that approach actually worked for me. I tried to focus on the good and treat life a bit like fate — if something didn’t happen, maybe it simply wasn’t meant to. And honestly, it worked… at least when life was calm and things were going quite well.

But unfortunately this strategy started to break down when life ran into a real crisis. That was the moment when I realised something had changed. I felt like I should be happy, but I wasn’t. I thought I should have energy, but somehow it just wasn’t there. And the idea that you can simply “choose happiness” suddenly stopped feeling light or empowering — it started to feel heavy.

But this isn’t really a story about me. It is about something more universal that many of us experience. So the real question is: does this strategy of optimism truly work — and how well does it hold up when life becomes difficult?

The idea of optimism is quite powerful in today’s society.

The reason is simple: optimistic people tend to be productive. They approach tasks not as unsolved problems but from a “this can be done” perspective. They stay motivated, don’t dwell too much on frustration, and keep moving towards their goals — often with a kind of lightness that makes everything feel a little easier. There is also a very practical side to it: working with someone who doesn’t constantly complain but instead shows initiative and positive energy can make the whole environment feel lighter.

Another reason optimism is often encouraged is its connection to mental health. A large body of psychological research suggests that people with a more positive outlook are less likely to experience long-lasting anxiety or depression after stressful events. Optimism is also closely linked to what psychologists call resilience — the ability to adapt to difficult situations and recover from setbacks.

Some studies even suggest that optimism may influence not only mental but physical health. Research published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that people with a more optimistic outlook tend to live longer than those with a more pessimistic one.

So perhaps optimism really is a kind of secret formula — something that benefits society, supports productivity, and appears to be good for individuals as well. But if optimism is so valuable, why do we question it at all?

For a long time, psychologists believed optimism was almost universally beneficial. But over the past two decades, we have started to see a more complicated picture. And this is where two important ideas come into the conversation.

The first is something called optimism bias — the tendency to believe that negative events are less likely to happen to us than to others. In other words, the brain is almost wired to expect positive outcomes, even when the evidence suggests otherwise.

This is where the strength of optimism can also become its weakness. The same mindset that helps people stay motivated and solve problems can, when taken too far, lead to underestimating risks and assuming that things will work out simply because we hope they will.

The second idea is toxic positivity, where the discussion becomes even more interesting. The term describes situations in which positive thinking turns into pressure — the expectation that people should stay cheerful no matter what is happening.

And honestly, I can speak from personal experience here: that feeling can be devastating.

What makes toxic positivity so difficult is that it often appears in moments when positivity is exactly what someone can't genuinely feel. In those situations, it can create a strange sense of failure — as if everyone else is coping perfectly well and you are the only one struggling. You begin to feel guilty for complaining, for feeling lost or hurt, or even for being afraid. Alongside the frustration comes disappointment in yourself.

With social media often reinforcing this optimistic narrative — push through, stay positive, and everything will eventually work out — positivity can begin to feel less like support and more like pressure.

Suppressing emotions in order to “stay positive” can actually make stress and anxiety worse and increase psychological distress. And this isn't just something psychologists mention quietly in passing — many of them say it very clearly.

Okay, toxic positivity is harmful. But how do we make sure that, while running away from toxic positivity, we don’t slip into constant pessimism instead? What is the healthiest mindset to adopt when the future feels uncertain? The best answer would probably come from psychologists.

Resilience isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It is about recognising that difficult emotions are normal and learning how to move forward alongside them.

The real task is to find a balance: use optimism where it helps — in smaller situations, everyday frustrations, or temporary disappointments — while also allowing yourself to acknowledge when the world simply doesn’t feel alright.