The truth is uncomfortable: you are also responsible. Until you understand what is happening inside you — your patterns, wounds and fears — you will keep attracting people who reflect those unresolved parts. Call it karma if you want. But Korayem “Ray” Razik — relationship and love coach — prefers a more grounded explanation: your relationships mirror your self-work.

Ray knows this better than most. After decades of professional success paired with repeated personal heartbreak, a health scare forced him to look inward and confront the patterns he had been recreating. That turning point led him into years of emotional, somatic and relational exploration — ultimately shaping him into a leading voice in what he calls relationship intelligence: the ability to align your gut, heart, mind and sexuality instead of letting old wounds run the show.

This philosophy became U-Dating — a space designed not to match profiles, but to help people meet themselves first. With its first home base in Austria and a new division set to launch in Dubai in early 2025 (note: mark your calendar on March 29), U-Dating is expanding rapidly. The franchising model is already gaining strong momentum, with growing interest from Croatia, Spain, and several other countries eager to bring the concept to their local communities.

U-Dating blends personal development, emotional and somatic work, and relational intelligence into a holistic experience that invites deeper, more intentional relationships. It isn’t about finding “the one.” It is about finally understanding why you choose the people you choose — and learning how to choose differently, from awareness rather than repetition. It is about understanding who you are, meeting yourself without masks, and at the same time meeting singles who are doing the same.

We sat down with Korayem to discuss his personal story, his attitude and why looking into yourself is step zero on the path to building a healthy relationship.

— I would like to focus on your personal experience, so tell me how and why did you decide to set up the platform? What was your personal reason for needing it?

— It goes maybe 15 years back, after my big love. I thought that was the love of my life. And after that, I went into a wave of being in my toxic side of masculinity. I was needy. I was on dating apps — at that time they were just starting — and I had so many unhealed wounds. I didn’t know they were unhealed.

At that time, I was already working as a coach — but mainly on a mental level. When I entered the dating world more consciously, I began exploring relationships through experience rather than awareness. I started dating, entered a new relationship, and openly said: “I want an open relationship.”

The women I was with agreed — not because it was aligned for them, but because they cared for me. Yet I wasn’t grounded in healthy, embodied masculinity. I couldn’t offer emotional safety or romantic presence. Instead of meeting intimacy, I kept reaching for openness as a way to avoid depth.

I lived between — Dubai, Austria, England, Spain — chasing connections through quantity, dating apps, fake accounts, different numbers. What I didn’t realise then was that I wasn’t afraid of commitment. I was afraid of real love, because real love requires presence, responsibility, and vulnerability. I was afraid to show my real me without masks.

I was successful in business, successful as a mental coach, but not happy inside. I had dopamine kicks, pleasures, but no satisfaction. After a few years, girlfriends left because they couldn’t continue like that. And I wasn’t dishonest — I told them what I wanted — but I didn’t understand that I was doing all this because I had problems, because I didn’t know myself.

Looking back, I can see something important that I didn’t fully understand at the time.

Men like me — in that phase of my life, in that energy — were part of the reason why many women stopped feeling safe in dating and with men in general.

Not because we were “bad men,” but because we were often emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, unclear, or disconnected from our own inner world. And yes — I was one of them.

At the same time, the dating field slowly turned into something else: hurt men meeting hurt women — and hurting each other. “Hurt people hurt people” isn’t just a phrase. It became a pattern.

Unprocessed wounds, unhealed attachment styles, and nervous systems stuck in survival mode collided again and again. Dating stopped being a place of curiosity and connection and slowly became a battlefield.

A battlefield filled with:

Not because people were cruel — but because they were scared, armored, and trying to protect themselves.

I was part of that dynamic too. Even when my intentions were not harmful, my lack of presence, clarity, or commitment sometimes was. Avoidance disguised as freedom. Intensity mistaken for intimacy. Attraction confused with connection.

Owning this truth was uncomfortable — but necessary. Because real growth doesn’t start with blaming others. It starts with responsibility. This awareness became a turning point for me. It is why I do the work I do today. Not to shame men or rescue women, but to help rebuild safety, integrity, and maturity in modern dating — where men are embodied and accountable, and women can feel safe to open up again.

Healing dating culture doesn’t start with better strategies or apps. It starts with better understanding of ourselves, and with empathy.

Three years ago I had a problem in the gym, went to a doctor, and got a wrong diagnosis about my heart — like I couldn’t live long. After I found out it was incorrect, it became a wake-up call. Around the same time, another relationship ended. I was alone. I asked myself: Who am I? What do I want? If I die now, what did I achieve?

That is when I went deeper into ontological coaching, somatic coaching, inner child work, trauma work, and relational intelligence. I studied with teachers like Gabor Maté, and did a lot of deep self-work. And they say: the best chapter in your life is when you give others what helped you heal.

And this is the reason I created U-Dating. It isn’t just a place for the mind like dating apps, and not sexuality-based like other platforms. It is an experience that brings mind, heart, body, nervous system, gut feelings and sexuality together. With seven yearly events, an online love-mentor certification, New Year and summer camps — people transform. Their eyes change. I can’t promise the perfect partner. But I can support you in building a deep, loving relationship with yourself — the foundation that naturally attracts the right connection.

— Usually, when we break up with someone, the first reaction is to blame the other person. “Okay, we broke up because this person is an asshole.” What does it take to understand that actually the problem might be inside of you?

— It isn’t actually “might”. It is. It takes two to tango. And I am not speaking here about problems. It doesn’t have to be a problem that we break up. It could be a wonderful person, and you are a wonderful person, but your needs or values don’t match. It isn’t always a “problem.”

Sometimes we see a problem in the ex simply because of a value mismatch.

At U-Dating, we help people understand what they want. Who are they? What is their identity? From there, they can know if someone is good for them or not. And when it doesn’t work, they know why. They can communicate. They can spot misalignment after two or three dates.

— And to continue this topic: before you understand yourself, know yourself, hear yourself, you can’t have a healthy relationship with another person. Am I right? How does it work?

— It could happen. There are people — like my parents, many generations — who did that already. And it could work. But today our generation, especially in big cities like Dubai, Barcelona, Vienna, Bali, Ibiza etc., is looking for freedom everywhere, for things that previous generations didn’t.

We first need to understand where our freedom begins — and where it ends. What does freedom actually mean to me? Because freedom isn’t a universal concept; it carries a different meaning for everyone.

For one person, freedom is dancing alone, with one person or with many people. For another, it is choosing a non-traditional path. None of these definitions are right or wrong — they are simply personal.

That is why the real work is self-definition: What is my freedom? Where are my boundaries? What are my desires?

Within that clarity, I consciously choose who is allowed to enter my life — and how. And when we ask whether the “problem” lies in ourselves or in the other person, the answer is usually neither — and both. Relationships exist in the space between two people. They are shaped by how well desires, boundaries, and communication meet.

The real questions become: Are we compatible? Are we expressing our needs honestly and respectfully? And are we listening with the same care we expect to receive? Are we present? How should our relationship dance looks like.

— I think nowadays we are so busy that we don’t have time — or maybe we don’t want — to process our emotions fully. We don’t understand them, and that is why we can’t communicate what we feel. For me, explaining what I feel is one of the biggest issues. How do you work with that, and what is the role of these feelings, especially for a man, since men are known to be less emotionally open?

— It takes a lot of courage to do what we do. To come to a U-Dating event takes courage. I tell people: you are coming to transform. We are literally changing peoples lives.

Many participants experience emotions they have never allowed themselves to feel before — held within a safe, guided, and well-contained environment. For some, this is the first time they truly connect with what is alive inside them. Not because something dramatic happens, but because the space finally feels safe enough to feel, to take off their masks and armour, and get from their mind to their heart, and bodies. They start understanding how they really feel.

We often mistake thoughts like “I was ignored” or “I was rejected” for emotions — but those are interpretations or observations. A real feeling is what you sense in your body: warmth, tightness, sadness, relief, trembling, or openness.

When people learn to recognise and stay present with these bodily sensations, something essential shifts: emotions stop being overwhelming and start becoming informative, human, and deeply healing.

Feminine and masculine energy speak different languages. A feminine “no” often comes from the heart. It is emotional, relational, and connected to feeling. Many women aren’t socialised to give hard rejections, and historically they have received fewer direct “no’s” than men. Saying no can therefore feel vulnerable, heavy, or charged with guilt.

A masculine “no” is often clear, firm, and emotionally contained. Men are usually trained to be decisive, solution-oriented, and on a mission. This clarity is rarely meant to hurt — but without emotional attunement, it can unintentionally feel cold or rejecting to feminine energy.

The issue isn’t intention.

It is impact.

At the same time, women are generally encouraged to talk, share, and process emotions — this is feminine energy in its natural expression. Men, on the other hand, are often oriented toward direction, purpose, and action — masculine energy.

Many men grow up believing that emotions are a weakness. But in reality, softness, emotional presence, and vulnerability are deeply attractive and essential for real intimacy.

When men avoid emotions, women often have to adapt in order to survive emotionally. They shift into control, logic, and self-protection — what can look like “toxic masculinity.” Not because they want to dominate, but because there is no safe masculine container to relax into.

Then both partners meet in masculine energy: two protectors, two strategists, two survivors. And polarity collapses. Attraction fades. Connection breaks.

This isn’t about blaming women — they adapt because they have to. And it isn’t about shaming men — most were never taught how to hold emotional space.

Relating in U-Dating means learning to meet differently:

A healthy “no” doesn’t create distance. It creates safety — and safety is what allows love to grow.

— So, if emotions seem like weakness, of course many people will be scared of them. Going on this inner journey can be painful. But allowing yourself to feel is actually very brave.

— Very.

— And this is healing.

— Yes, but I tend to avoid the word healing. What we actually do is integration — integrating the inner child, old wounds, and the parts of ourselves we once had to disconnect from.

— So what can someone learn about themselves during the process you suggest?

— At U-Dating, we follow a few steps. Each event has a different setup, but always these phases:

First: You

We go into reflections on inner child, wounds, identity. People go inwards, shut off outside noise, and focus on themselves.

Second: Us

Communication, polarity, masculine and feminine energies, attachment styles. Understanding my values, motivations, how I relate to someone with a different attachment style. And yes, attachment styles can change.

Third: Dating

Only after you and us. People shift into a dating energy. We talk about healthy sensuality, consent, conscious touch, sexual communication, biological basics. No nakedness, no shame — just relational intelligence. How to understand a “no.” The difference between feminine no and masculine no. Men are used to rejection; women often aren’t, which complicates dynamics. So we teach how to communicate no, yes, desires and boundaries.

After completing the seven events, attending a camp, or finishing the Love Mentor Certification, you automatically become part of our international U-Dating community. This community brings together like-minded singles from around the world who have done the same inner work — people who are aligned, self-aware, and clear about what they want and what a healthy relationship truly looks like. You connect on the same wavelength: with honesty, emotional maturity, and a shared language for healthy relationships.

— I have the feeling that when you understand yourself and set your boundaries, you may realise you don’t want a relationship at all. And that this is okay.

— Wow. You touched the point. It is painful to be unhappy alone — and even worse to be unhappy in a relationship.

At U-Dating, we help you become fulfilled on your own, so you are ready for the relationship you truly deserve. It is about dating yourself while meeting others who are doing the same. If alignment happens, great. If not, also great. Any relationship structure is welcome. We don’t tell people what type of relationship they should have.

We work on two essential relationships: the relationship with yourself and the relationship with others.

Because the truth is — we are always in a relationship. Not every relationship is romantic, and not every connection needs to be. You might choose not to pursue a romantic relationship right now — or ever — or you might seek a different kind of connection altogether.

What matters isn’t the label, but how you relate.

Through our work, you learn how to communicate clearly, create consensual and respectful connections, and feel emotionally healthy with others — regardless of the form the relationship takes. And just as importantly, you learn how to keep your relationship with yourself grounded, honest, and strong.

When your relationship with yourself is solid, every other relationship becomes clearer, safer, and more authentic.

Feel like joining U-Dating? Mark your calendar for the following dates:

Pro tip: Early registrations receive a special early-bird discount.